issue no. 01 the first offence
three cases on file filed may 2026

the wellness state calls it a crime. we call it a good night.

case 00 — the confession

GUILTY in its own words. Yes, we did. We’d do it again.

read the confession
cases on file — this issue 03
defendant — the daily audit
case 01 — WS-MELB-2026-0051 filed from melbourne

she drank it because she wanted to. that was the whole crime.

A group dinner, Friday 20:15. A woman with a reason for every drink she takes finds one on the menu with no reason at all — no function, no benefit — and orders it anyway. Then a second, with even less excuse. Best night she’s had in months. Charge: consumption without justification.
read case
defendant — the morning show
case 02 — WS-SYD-2026-0052 filed from sydney

there was no protocol for what she did next.

A Tuesday, 06:12. 5:30 alarm, matcha, gratitude, 40,000 watching — and this morning she skips the lot, sits on the kitchen floor, and drinks a cola for no reason she could defend to anyone. Ten unposted minutes, the best of her week. Charge: enjoyment, premeditated and unearned.
read case
defendant — the human dashboard
case 03 — WS-BNE-2026-0053 filed from brisbane

the rings did not close. nothing happened.

A Sunday, 16:00. A 412-day streak, rings that must close, a body run like a dashboard — and he takes the watch off, has a drink he didn't earn, and lets the rings stay open. Nothing happens. Which was rather the point. Charge: an afternoon that logged nothing.
read case
defendant's statement — on the record
nothing is wrong with you. you are only thirsty.
house of guilty / issue no. 01

for trade

every case on file started with a room that said yes.

we stock direct into rooms where the list is considered and the bartender can sell the third can without trying. if that's yours, file with us.

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