method
editorial methodology filed in voice, in full

we admit everything.

every tool we used. every human who used it. every charge we filed. filed in compliance with no one in particular.

METHODOLOGICAL DISCLOSURE

Nobody requires this of us. We're filing it anyway — everything below is true.

What we use AI for

  • Generating the composite defendants. Nano Banana Pro / Gemini
  • Generating surveillance video for case files. Kling 3.0
  • Rendering the case-file world — rooms, evidence, contraband. If the frame is fiction, everything in it is fiction. Including the can. Nano Banana Pro / Kling 3.0
  • Drafting and pressure-testing editorial copy — headlines, captions, case files. The final line is ours. Claude
  • Compositing, adjusting, and finishing every image. The final frame is ours. Photoshop

What we do not use AI for

  • Photographing venues. We walk in. We carry the cans.
  • Photographing the product in the real world. Real venues, real cans, real condensation. If the location exists, so does everything in frame.
  • Pouring the drinks. Bartenders pour them.
  • Writing the replies to your emails. The defendants write back personally.
  • Deciding what we publish, what we file, or what we charge.

What is synthetic in this issue

  • The defendant in the daily audit is not a person. She is a composite of every woman with a supplement drawer and a position on seed oils.
  • The defendant in the morning show is not a person. She is a composite of every woman who films her 5am for people she'll never meet.
  • The defendant in the human dashboard is not a person. He is a composite of every man who runs his own body like a dashboard.
  • The cities are real. The rest is not.
  • The can, where it appears inside the case-file world, is a depiction. No one has ever held the real thing.
  • The cases are composite. The behaviours are observed.

What is real in this issue

  • Three drinks. Citrus Confessional. Bitter Justice. Cola Vice.
  • One sampler. The First Offence. One thousand of them. No restock.
  • Two founders. Melbourne. Sydney, Brisbane, Canberra.
  • Human flaws. Observed. Celebrated.
  • You. Especially you.

The Wellness State will absorb all of this eventually.

We're going to enjoy the years before it does.

for trade

disclosure complete. the registry's open.

we stock direct into rooms that think about what they pour. the bartender sells the third can without trying. if that's your room, contact us.

see who else is GUILTY