exhibit 01Q.Who are we?
A.The defendant.
exhibit 02Q.Why the name?
A.The defendant was advised that a brand name should describe a feeling the customer aspires to. The defendant chose the feeling the customer already has.
exhibit 03Q.What is our mission?
A.The defendant does not have a mission statement. The defendant has attempted to write one. Each attempt has resulted in a sentence the defendant could not look at without cringing.
exhibit 04Q.What are our values?
A.The defendant's values are a private matter between the defendant and its accountant. The accountant has expressed concerns.
exhibit 05Q.What does it taste like?
A.Like the defendant meant it. The sugar is real and not sorry. The defendant will not be using the word “mouthfeel”.
exhibit 06Q.Is there alcohol in it?
A.None. 0.0% across all three. The offence is flavour.
exhibit 07Q.What's our story?
A.The defendant has reviewed competitor "story" sections and identified the following recurring elements: a kitchen, a problem that demanded solving, a journey of discovery by two best mates, a moment of clarity (often involving travel), and humble origin. The defendant has lived a version of most of these things. The defendant declines to package them for retail.
exhibit 08Q.Are we sustainable?
A.The only genuinely sustainable position is to consume less. The defendant agrees. The defendant also acknowledges that it sells soda.
exhibit 09Q.Why does this FAQ exist?
A.The defendant has reviewed the FAQ as a corporate genre and identified its principal functions: search engine optimisation, the deflection of customer service queries, and the performance of openness without the practice of it. The defendant has elected to participate in the format and decline the functions.